Jealousy: Baby Alarm with the Others – and What about Me?

Of Course You Are Happy When The First Girlfriends Get Pregnant. But As A Non-Pregnant Woman Is Also A Comical Feeling. Fem.Com Author Sophie Martin Has Experienced It Herself.

In the middle of last year it started. Anne had been together with Björn for six months, and she was pregnant. If Anne had not been part of our circle of friends, it would probably have been discussed in detail why everything went so quickly. But this was mentioned only marginally, and then we were happy for Anne.
Delayed Defiance?
No two months later, my best friend Cosima and her boyfriend Tim announced that they were expecting a baby: half wanted, half “Just happened” child. For me, it was mainly a “I have to come to terms with it” child. For a selfish thought began to plague me: What will become of us?
With “us” I meant: us girlfriends. I did not say that loud, I thought I was silly – like a toddler who gets a sibling and has to adjust to not being alone in the center. But it is the case that not only for women, the children, but also for their childless girlfriends changes a lot.
Girls ‘Evening Without Pleasure
With small things, it starts: For example, a bottle of Prosecco is simply part of the girls’ evening. Goofy just that I had to drink this now without Cosima and Anne. Of the rare cigarette I had, of course, my fingers, at least in her presence. But to indulge in pleasure alone has no longer much to do with pleasure anyway.
The different worlds, in which becoming mothers and supposed patentants in spe convert, reveal themselves especially with the shopping: When the six month pregnant Cosima and I collapsed into the shopping mob, she looked only for baby clothes. At first I was happy to admire them – but after half an hour I had enough and devoted myself to the new summer collection for adults.
Too bad, that my shopping euphoria was not quite as big as usual – trying on clothes alone is just less fun. The otherwise very reliable shopping advice from Cosima was rather half-hearted and was accompanied by sighs: “I can not put it all on!” But actually it was just not so important.
The “Loose” Feeling Creeps In
This is probably the most serious difference that occurs with a child between two girlfriends: the center of life shifts for the other. Girlfriends, especially, of course, the best, are generally the first stop on all matters that are not so good in life.

My relationship was violent at this time. But Anne and Cosima were so engrossed in their baby themes that I did not want to take them on the one hand, but on the other hand also believed that my problems were no longer interested in them so much. This was joined by a kind of “looser” feeling: with which it works so well, with me not at all. And, of course, the question: Do not I want to have a child?

“Toddler Behavior” Is Over

Yes, I want, but not yet. I know that since the children of Cosima and Anne were born. They are heartfelt, and I am one of the few people whom parents trust so much that I can take care of them. I like to do that – but I like to give it off again. Besides, I’m missing the right man for the baby project. 

This is a topic which, by the way, meanwhile and thoroughly discusses with my friends with a bottle of wine. In retrospect, I would say that my “toddler behavior” was partly justified, but I also a little bit. But as a good friend you are “concretely”. The hormones can sometimes play crazy.